Prologue
Trying to be human vol 1
Anyone who knows me has heard me say ‘I’m trying.’
Those two words are my anchor in life, proof I’m putting in effort against any odds. Or, more cynically, my go-to dismissal when I’m done listening.
But it’s funny to think about because everyone is trying to do something all the time, trying to be better at school or work, or navigating family or friends, but when I say that, I selfishly think I am the center of the world (which in my head I am for sure).
But “trying” to be human isn’t something i’ve ever done, because why would you want to be? To be human is to be normal, to feel pain, to hurt and in a world that is as fast-paced and efficiency focused as ours, that seems wild. For years, I genuinely believed the answer was to transcend it entirely, be more machine, more superhero, you name it and to do that, you have to do more, push harder, think faster and it’s led me to more interesting situations than I can count.
Wouldn’t you be excited to stay awake working for 40+ hours, run a marathon without training, or fly to 3 continents in 6 days (All things I’ve done and don’t recommend). Now maybe you won’t be as extreme as I am, but maybe you’ve felt that pull to optimize yourself into something more than you currently are.
We can dissect whether that’s from too much anime or working in tech later but the point here is; every day I am on this earth, I get more of a feeling that to be human, to live, to love, to fear, to struggle, to explore is one of the most beautiful things we get to experience.
This substack will be chronicling my quest into learning more about this, I’m not sure exactly where this will lead, but I’ll be reading, experiencing, and reporting back what I find. A quest into the most known unknown there is.
I think it will be fun, so excited for y’all to come along.
Sending the warmest energy your way,
Lawrence